Spending Quality Time with Your Parents
As you and your parents get older, you may find yourself looking back on your younger years and wishing you put in more effort to learn about your parents’ lives before you came into the picture. There is no time like the present to make this change. There are multiple apps and services that can help you start the conversation with your parent about their past and preserve those memories for generations to come.
Recently, I completed a Storyworth book with my father, John. I purchased Storyworth for him as a Christmas gift in 2021, and each week, Storyworth would send him an email with a different question. The questions are designed to get someone writing, no matter the subject, and often they relate to the time of the year. Some examples of questions…
Tell me about your mother…
Who was your best friend growing up?
Why did you choose your college?
The first question my dad received was his connection to Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. This stirred up more emotions than I had expected. My dad grew up in a mostly Lithuanian/Polish/Ukrainian neighborhood in Pittsburgh, PA, and after college, he and my mom moved to a small, rural town in Ohio. He wasn’t exposed to many African Americans until later in his career, and this first question gave him a reason to deeply consider his relationship with African Americans, and potentially some prejudices that he had. These types of questions sparked fascinating conversations between us that I wasn’t expecting, but I appreciated the opportunity to learn more about parts of his childhood that shaped the person he is today.
When I originally purchased Storyworth for him, I thought that the website would help us create a book that would chronicle the births and deaths of his relatives, and provide some genetic history for my kids and their kids about “Pop Pop.”
Another part of me was considering that my mom didn’t have a chance to write her memoir because of her dementia. Perhaps this would be an opportunity to capture some of her stories as well.
I didn’t expect that writing the book would take such an emotional toll on my dad. He struggled with putting down stories about his own father. Every few weeks when we’d chat on the phone I’d ask if he had any interesting questions in Storyworth, and he’d share that he started on one or another. As he wrote answers, I’d go in and edit and format the book.
Eventually, Storyworth informed me that the subscription of questions was coming to an end, and I gave my dad a deadline that we had to finish the book. I told him we’d get charged extra if we didn’t get it done in time, and that spurred him into action.
We met for a long weekend in January putting together some additional stories and organizing the book into chapters. I helped him type some of the longer stories as he talked or remembered the details. We organized photos of important people and places to add to the story. Over the next few weeks, he continued to add more stories and surprisingly, the book grew to 174 pages with photos and anecdotes about what his life was like growing up, why he chose his college and career, and his life with Lauren, my mother.
There is an entire chapter about all the dogs in his life. There is another chapter about one of his best adult friends, Humpy. He writes a lot about the home he has lived in for 50 years, and all the projects that he tackled around the property, including his favorite things around the house, and background stories.
The printed version arrived a couple of weeks ago, and I was not surprised that he was disinterested in reading it. The book ended up being more of a gift to his grandchildren who would enjoy reading stories about when Pop Pop was young. Truth be told, they are just as happy reading about themselves and seeing pictures of themselves in the book. They didn’t get their own chapter like the dogs did.
Memoir writing can be a cathartic process, and despite some of the emotions felt during the writing journey, he has started to take some notes down for version 2.
Some tips if you are interested in helping your loved one with a memoir…
Before you surprise your loved one with this “gift,” talk to them about why this would be important to you. Are you interested in chronicling some of your family history, and you need their help? Do you want to hear more stories about your family member growing up? Helping your loved one know your interest in learning more about them will encourage them to do the writing.
Gauge your loved one’s technical skills. If they don’t love to type, consider using a voice prompt to record their stories and convert them to text.
Designate the book editor. Your loved one is the writer, but you will want a book editor to organize the stories and check for grammar and punctuation.
Using a service like Storyworth helps to break down the time it takes to catalog different stories, and helps everyone have a framework for how the project will get done.
Once the bulk of the “questions” are answered, convert the document into one large document to complete your final edits. This will help you organize the book into chapters.
Take lots of photos. This is a great opportunity to catalog some key photos of the different parts of your loved one’s life. Start early by uploading the photos to your story app so that you can organize them in key parts of the story at the end.
Get extra copies for the whole family. This is a great keepsake for all family members to enjoy and pass on to future generations!
